WHY SHEPHERDS SHOULDN'T "SLEEP WITH THE SHEEP"

There is probably not one Pastor, minister, or church member that hasn't heard of some scandal in which the Pastor and one of the members of the church have had an affair.  This is not to sound judgmental because we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  My prayer in this post is to highlight why this is a bad idea and why Pastors and laity should avoid this at all costs.

1) Father's/Mother's shouldn't "sleep" with their children - The role of Pastor is the role of parent. To be a parent means to nurture and to provide. When a Pastor sleeps with their spiritual son or daughter you can only imagine the kind of confusion this causes in a relationship.  The "son" or "daughter" will have a skewed view of their spiritual "parent" and it will become increasingly difficult to hear from them spiritual truths for their life.  If Pastors truly care about their sheep they will not risk their spiritual growth on their "fleshly" desires.

2) It almost always ends bad - Take a moment to think of one "church affair" between and pastor and parishioner that ended up good..Now every now and then they may get married and live happily ever after.  However,  in most cases this is a trainwreck waiting to happen.  Sooner or later feelings will get involved, lines of communication will become blurred,  someone will get hurt, pregnancies become "hidden or avoided" , and the church usually always finds out. When Pastors "sleep with the sheep" they risk their ministry and the spiritual growth of their laity due to their now marred reputation of being a "sheep snatcher."

3) You can't "out preach" your life - While you may hide it from others. You can't hide it from God.  Of course we serve a God of grace, but with power comes responsibility.  Like anything, if you keep doing the wrong thing long enough it will show up in your witness, your lack of conviction when you stand before God's people, or even worse in some cases on Social Media.  Don't become a victim of 160 characters on social media or some blog because you chose not to exercise wisdom in this area.

4) This is an abuse of power - What many "sheep" that fall into this trap don't realize is that they run the risk of being manipulated.  They have no power. Think about it this way. You enter into a relationship where you have to remain a secret and then you have to deal with the guilt of others finding out when things go south. You can't say anything.  You cant tell anyone. You cant be seen in public together. You cant have the rights and priveledges you would in a different type of relationship.  Meanwhile the Pastor gets the benefit of being with you and every other "sheep" he chooses. Don't put yourself in this kind of powerless position.

5) Your Reputation Matters - At the end of the day reputation matters in ministry.  Bad news always travels faster than good news. Do each other a favor and help your reputation not be tainted by a lack of poor judgement.

At the end of the day we serve a God of grace. We know that God covers every mistake and pain we endure. Let's continue to turn to God in our weaknesses for continued grace, wisdom, and renewal.

HANDLING THE PRESSURE OF LEADERSHIP

Leadership is not easy and comes with its share of pressure. When there are so many obligations, demands, phone calls, texts, emails, financial obligations, and people that need your time and energy it can become mentally and emotionally draining. There is even more stretching of yourself if you have to balance a family and full time job on top of your leadership role.   Then there is the pressure... This is the "silent source of all of your stress."  What pressure you may ask?

Well, the pressure of letting everyone down and feeling like you have failed them.  Many leaders feel that letting others down is the biggest pressure.  However, I actually believe that for leaders the idea of letting themselves down is the biggest pressure. This idea of letting others down is very real, but I think it's wrapped up in the idea of letting yourself down.

 In many cases great leaders are their own toughest critic. That's why great leaders find it easy to be critical of others because they are even more critical of themselves   They are always asking what could I do better?  What could I do differently?  Would others lives be worse or negatively impacted If I give up or fail?  For leaders these thoughts are very hard to live with.  

There are not many great leaders that don't think about quitting on a weekly basis. What is interesting is that I believe that what keeps them from quitting in many cases is that they cant bare to deal with looking themselves in the mirror and knowing they let themselves down. The truth is leaders can always do something different and everyone elses life will go on just fine even if they stop leading tomorrow. 

But you cant escape yourself. You can get beyond your own thoughts of what could have been or what you cold have done differently. 

 Leaders have to live with themselves each second of every day. Imagine that. Living with the thoughts of your own toughest critic each second of the day. That's scary.. Thats why leaders must learn how to lead in a way that is healthy for the mind, body, and spirit and not wrapped up in the guilt and pressure of failing yourself.

Here are 5 ways to deal with pressure as a leader.

1) Delegate - Now this is easier said than done but the honest truth is if leaders don't delegate they will burn out. Find people to do the small tasks that take up time and energy that you could be spending on something else. There is only so much of you to go around. 

2) Find A Healthy Outlet - When leaders are on the verge of burnout they often flirt with "the dark side of self soothing". This can be in the form of anything from negative relationships to substance abuse. Leaders must be intentional about finding outlets like time with family, sporting events, or just rest in bed to avoid burnout.

3) Take The Pressure off Yourself - Most great leaders have something within them that says "I can handle it, I can do it, I don't need any help, I've got it all under control". These types of thoughts create doorways for leaders to take on more pressure.  Leaders must admit when they need help and when they feel overwhelmed.  People won't know you need help until you tell them.

4) Get Therapy - Getting therapy doesn't make you a weak leader or "crazy". It means you need someone to talk to that has no other desire than to hear you and help you. This is probably one of the best things a leader can do. Find someone professionally to talk to. Most leaders cant tell others their problems because in many cases these are the same people that depend on them for strength. Find someone to talk to that has no other role in your life other than to offer a listening ear and helpful feedback. 

5) Prayer and Meditation - This should not be overlooked.  To lead well I believe there must be a balance of the spirit with the demands of your life. Prayer and mediation give you the spiritual focus to help you handle your daily needs.  Spend time each day in meditation and reflection on why you chose to lead and how you can continue to lead from a healthy place. At the end of the day it is the condition of your spirit that will help you lead in a healthy way.